I will be happy when I get everything in life that I want… Many of my deep-diving posts like these comes from the words and thoughts of those around me. Today’s blog post is one of those examples. My friends and family will speak from their heart and head, simply shooting off of the hip which makes me introspective.
As a Mother, I believe to the depths of my being that I have a responsibility to do more than just nurture and love my children. I am committed to helping them grow to be well adjusted, happy and functioning adults.
I don’t have this sort of responsibility with any other relationships. My role in those relationships is to give what it is that they need, and being present-minded to determine what that is in every exchange.
Today, my eight-year old says to me, “Mom, I’m growing up.” At first, this seemed like a revelation I could be excited about. That is, until she announces so proudly, “I will be happy when we go shopping, only when I have entertainment.”
Ah, the wisdom of our youth in the digital age.
Immediately, I see this as an opportunity to teach her to help her create her own happiness. In my mind, I quickly see this exact thought process in some of the adults that I know. I then realize that these dangerous or let’s say less than abundant thoughts are created in our youth. Without a better way of re-framing these thoughts, we can fall into a pattern that doesn’t serve us in our future.
I Will Be Happy When: Rewire Your Mind
I found myself dealing with an unexpected technical issue on my website today that totally blew all of my plans. One hour turned into two and I hadn’t even showered yet. The day is officially out of control and I can feel my anxiety rising by the minute.
Instantly I remembered the lesson with my daughter only a few hours earlier and I realized that I simply had to stop and retrain my mind. This is exactly what we need to do but tell ourselves that we don’t have the time to do. Worse yet, we spiral in and out of our emotions and lose our minds completely then possibly enter into a full-on anxiety attack.
Instead of saying to myself or worse, out loud, “I will be happy when I fix this problem” I would say, “I feel calm, it will be done soon”.
I wanted to help rewire my daughter’s mind earlier so I asked my daughter if holding hands in the store would make her happy. She told me that it would. I probed further with her and asked her, “how does it feel when we are holding hands and walking together?” She told me that she felt warm and “smiley”. To clarify, I said, “so it would make you happy then?” She said, “yes.”
It wasn’t difficult to let her see that she actually could be happy even without an electronic device. I needed to remind myself that I didn’t have to feel anxious today when I was fighting with technical issues.
Ah, did you catch that? I said “fighting”. We need to be careful how we speak to ourselves. We can so easily wire our minds to create negative meanings and attract negative circumstances to us. Imagining that I am fighting with technical issues, sparks a feeling of anger. How else could I think of this? I am learning. Which has a more abundant feeling?
I Will Be Happy When: What’s Your Legacy?
Exhaustion and overwhelm in our lives can impact us all. Sometimes, we even feel as though the world has it in for us. We can spend our last moments on this earth duking it out with our problems and never feeling a moment of peace because we are living in the “Physical Time Consciousness“.
Each of us are on our own journey and we don’t know when our story ends. Will your last day on this beautiful planet be tomorrow? Would you live this day differently if you knew it was your last day? When you truly embrace your life and everything that is good in it, you can’t help but be happy. Learning how to re-frame things or to rewire your mind is a great technique however, personally I believe it is far more important for us to live our lives on purpose.
When I tuck my little one in at night, I lay next to her. Together, we end the night by playing the “love exercise”. She always wants me to start. Both of us are snuggled up warmly in the blankets, and the room is dark. I speak softly, “I love my Sophia hugs”. I begin reciting out loud all of the things in the day that I loved.
After I have told her all of the things that I loved in the day, I tell her that it is her turn. Sometimes she starts with, “I loved the chocolate chips in my granola” and we giggle. What a terrific way to end the night.
The legacy that we each leave isn’t about fighting and winning the battles at work. Our legacy isn’t whether we were entertained while we were waiting or not. What we leave behind is something so simple.