Feeling that “I am not enough” has plagued me my ENTIRE life.
Yes, I do mean my entire life. As an online life coach and working with so many people over the years, I realize that so many of my own clients deal the “I am not enough” thoughts in their mind in one way or another.
These are some of my past beliefs, for example;
“I am not good enough.”
“I am not pretty enough.”
“I am not skinny enough.”
“I am not smart enough.”
While these statements seem simple, the complexity of what we’re thinking and believe about ourselves goes much deeper. Read on to learn more about how I deal with these thoughts and how I support my coaching clients who are feeling insecure.
If you have ever applied for a job and didn’t feel adequate, or stood next to a more fit and perhaps prettier woman than you and felt inferior, then you’re not alone. T
he problem can be much worse than this. Ruminating thoughts like this can lead to mental health concerns. This can make us feel as though we don’t deserve good things or good people in our lives.
The trick is to realize that thoughts are just thoughts. WE breath meaning into them but the thoughts we say in our head can simply be neutral without any meaning at all.
Feeling Not Good Enough Lately?
I created this video about the inner bully addressing the topic of, “I’m not enough” and you can watch it below.
I remember talking to a client many years ago who was a very wealthy and influential business man, who told himself the same story… “I am not enough” too! This is so surprising because, to me, he looked like a big and strong man. We instinctively look at him in his fine clothes, and believe that he has it all.
When the layers of his confidence costume were peeled away, one by one, we can see that he actually felt very small. It was also easy to see that his belief came out of a childhood pain. The worst part? Most of it was of his own doing – and he’s far from being the first to do this.
I Am Not Enough: The Real Meaning.
Let’s dive into the real meanings of this epidemic dialog that takes a toll on our confidence. When we go inside of this statement, we soon see that it actually means much more. For each of us, it’s something slightly different. Let’s take a look at the hidden meanings, and what we are really saying to ourselves.
“I am afraid” – Means that we don’t feel confident to go out and build relationships or take risks to build an amazing life. Living a life of mediocrity or a safe life is what so many people do. I did this for so many years. I began to feel empty and frankly just numb because I had built a safe world.
“I am not lovable” – Means I am not worthy of someone giving me the kind of love that I need. That phrase, “he’s just not into you” resonates but it’s also true with other family members. It’s really sad when your own husband won’t sit with you, look into your eyes and smile. Having a husband who won’t even hold your hands and tell you that he loves so much about you is pitiful.
This was my life for several decades but what was worse, was my own Mother, Father, etc. wouldn’t give me a simple hug. Whatever not feeling lovable means to you, know that we battle with it on different levels.
“I am a nothing” – Means you feel as though you are insignificant in the world and even in your smaller world around you. Our society plays a major role in making us feel less than acceptable. As a stay-at-home mom for many years, I felt as though I simply didn’t matter. It didn’t seem like I was important to anyone. I even volunteered in retirement homes and people in my circle of influence treated me like I was silly or stupid for doing that.
“I can’t do anything right” – Means that you might be judging yourself too harshly because of comments someone has made. When constructive criticism is given to us, we tend to villainize and even demonize ourselves. I see this in so many people. It’s as if they are stabbing themselves like a punishment when they do something wrong.
“I am uninteresting” or “I am alone” – Means you don’t have a strong support system around you. Growing up without any family or friends in my day-to-day world affected me for many years. I felt as though I simply didn’t matter. It was more than just feeling alone. Over time, I felt as if I had no value and was simply disposable. We have taken these feelings and attached them to ourselves like a tattoo that we wear day in and day out.
I Am Not Enough: Learn To Like Yourself
This is easier said than done. I can tell you, if you are not ready, I mean like really fed up and “pissed off” that you have these thoughts and feelings, you won’t get this. I have spent what seems like a lifetime battling all of these thoughts and it wasn’t until I realized that my life was passing me by that I made a DECISION to learn how to like myself.
We can go through our lives living every day accepting that life will never get better or we can make a decision to change. If you want to drastically change your life and create more passion in your life, then you need to be down-right angry and ready to do what it takes which I’ll go into here in a moment but first, I want to address an important.
Why Do I Feel Like I’m Not Good Enough?
This is a great question. This question is said by many of my clients. This happens usually because of an event in our past or something someone said. We tend to internalize these events and conversations and begin doubting ourselves.
Over time, we practice it in our mind and literally become someone with low self esteem and confidence issues.
When you’ve practiced this, you begin wondering how to be enough for someone.
You begin doubting yourself in relationships and even in the workplace. I’ve had clients who seemingly gave up in some ways. One client went into depression and began an eating disorder. This is how deep it can affect us. Another client couldn’t pass his pilot practical test and it ruined his confidence in so many other areas of his life.
I Just Want To Be Good Enough!
Feeling frustrated is normal but it doesn’t have to be this way. The way that our brain works makes it seem hard because we practice the same thoughts which create the same feelings over and over. We first need to change the way we think but I’ve got some steps to help you break out of this.
So what does it take?
Really… Are you ready? Are you fed up feeling worthless and not good enough?!
Step one: Decide and be 100% COMMITTED to doing the inner work! This is a BIG step because to be honest with you, it’s far too easy to give up on doing any kind of self growth work. It’s simply too easy to stay comfortable and right where we are.
Step two: Do the “Love” exercise. “What’s the love exercise?” Well this exercise can be used in lots of different ways but in this situation, you need to raise your vibration. This is a super simple but powerful exercise. All that you do, is sit down and write all of things that you like about yourself. If you are so far down on yourself then write what others say about you. Now, recite these things saying for example; “I love my hair”, “I love my smile”, “I love that I’m smart”, “I love that I’m funny”, “I love that I’m creative”, “I love that I’m good at my job”.
Who are you? What do you want to change? What do you love about yourself?
- A powerful, successful woman in business may have the world at her feet but she doesn’t feel pretty and simply feels inadequate in front of men. This is dis empowering when when she wants a husband or a meaningful relationship. She needs to be ready to love herself.
- A beautiful woman who is fit may be looked up to for having such an attractive presence but feels stupid and as if she is worthless in the world.
- A seemingly rich woman has built a hard, masculine exterior out of protection and wants to lose weight and create a more feminine image.
Step Three: Create and implement the “Praise Ritual”. This is again very simple but feels quite awkward for some people. I challenge you to get real. Is there an area in your life where you feel inadequate? Let’s do this!
- Write “I Am Enough” on every mirror in your home that you might go by.
- Write “I am enough” on a sticky note on your PC so that it is always visible.
- Leave sticky notes with “I am enough” at the coffee pot, the stove, the refrigerator, at the front door, in your car by the steering wheel.
- Write it on a big 8.5 X 11 piece of paper and mail it to yourself at work or at home.
- Add several reminders on your phone through out the day that says, “I am enough”.
- Post “I am enough” on your Facebook wall.
To change a habit that is ingrained in the mind so deeply, it takes immersion or self-hypnosis to overcome it. If you TRULY want to dramatically change your life and feel a sense of happiness, then you’ll FINALLY take it seriously and do the inner work. It takes courage to stand up for yourself. We are sometimes fearful of change but don’t be afraid to change.
I am here to tell you that you ARE worth it! You are worth the work. Don’t take the easy way out! Getting out of your comfort zone and as silly as these exercises may be to you, they REALLY work.
Here’s a, you are good enough quote to inspire you.
“If you’re waiting around for the world to make you feel good enough, you’ll never have it. Feeling good enough comes from your thoughts which create your feelings. ~Sharon Lee
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough”
This is something that I hear too much though and it’s heartbreaking. This is a thought that will never serve your highest power. If this is something that you have ever thought, how does this feel inside your body?
It probably makes you feel sad, depressed and hurt.
To get out of this negative feeling, it’s clear that it comes from that thought. Let’s think up a different thought.
When I was younger, I thought this a lot. I didn’t have a mother or a father and felt very alone. Living on the streets as a homeless teen didn’t help either.
My training as a master life coach helps me when negative thoughts like this crop up.
When you’re going down the rabbit hole with this though, you’ll want to think thoughts of gratitude, compassion and most of all, BE GENTLE TO YOURSELF
Be gentle to yourself.
It’s too easy to go down the road of comparing yourself to others, feeling lonely , blaming yourself and ultimately, feeling alone and not feeling enough.
Never let “I am not enough” be a phrase that enters your mind EVER again!
As your online life coach who’s 100% committed to helping you reach for the stars, I’m here to tell you that your transformation is 100% in your hands. Being part of the 1% club where you work on your personal growth every-single-day will help you to be that version of yourself that constantly astounds and delights you.
Sharon Lee – Your Online Life Coach
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About The Author: Sharon Lee
Career | Wellness | Business | Relationship
It's my life’s purpose to help you identify, clarify and realize your dreams. To help you create new goals and dreams and keep you accountable in the process.
The great thing about Life Coaching is it’s all about collaboration. I show up and meet you right where you are in life providing you with the tools and support. My clients say it's life changing and I'm honored to share in the journey with you.
Come open yourself up to the possibilities.
My dream is to show you how you can have it ALL - a thriving life and business built on your soul-aligned purpose, designed around your LIFE instead of the other way around, leaving you with time and money for everything that matters to you.