My client confides in me and says, "I've lost myself" and she continues, "I don't know who I am anymore". As her life coach, it's heartbreaking because she begins to spiral, rant and soon she begins to dwell on the past. I need to get her out of this state of mind quickly, so I ask her this, "would you like to reinvent yourself?"
For most of us, life changes and it's difficult when you find yourself not able to recognize yourself anymore.
This can happen straight out of college or getting married. When I hear my clients say, "I feel like I'm losing myself", I ask about the big changes in their life that have happened. Sometimes there's a new baby, a big move with family, a new job, or even a divorce.
Do you see yourself in any of these comments? The things my clients say the most on this topic:
I've lost myself in my marriage
I've lost myself in my relationship
I've lost myself in motherhood
I've lost myself after breaking up
I've lost myself after trying to please everyone else
I've lost faith in myself
I lost myself after divorce
I lost all confidence in myself
Sometimes we can lose ourselves by going down the path that someone else wanted for us. I had a client who was a teacher. His folks were teachers and his grandparents were teachers and they wanted him to be a teacher too but he wanted to be in construction. He wanted to be a part of building something, plus the opportunity paid much better.
He was scared to tell his family because he was sure they would all be upset with him. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was throwing away his education so that made the move to reinvent himself even more difficult.
So my hope is that you find comfort in knowing it's natural to say things like "I feel lost". Now what?
What can you do to feel better?
Today, we're diving deep into changing the way we think, and the way we feel but most of all, creating a life that excites you and outwardly shows the world that you're living a life that you're passionate about and what to do when you start having those depressing thoughts of, "I've lost myself.
When my clients confide in me, "I'm Going Through an Identity Crisis", it's time to guide them through a very powerful process.
Let's get started.
Create A New You That Answers: "Who Am I?"
On the surface, we'll answer this question like, "I'm a daughter, a mom, a woman, a man, a lawyer, a nurse." You get the idea. Our initial reaction is to answer with our title or our accomplishments. We analyze who we think we are on the surface but it goes much deeper.
When you're thinking... I've lost touch with who I am.
The real goal here is...
How to answer "who am I".
To really get passed this feeling of being lost and either "find myself" or "reinvent myself", we need to take a look at our values, our characteristics, and everything in our "self map". We are going deeper to answer "who am I" by asking better questions like:
- What makes you happy?
- What makes you feel important?
- What makes you feel secure?
- Are you a spiritual person?
- How do you feel love?
- How do you feel connected?
A better way to release the depressing thought, "I've lost myself" is to get clarity of your future version of yourself who lives the life you want.
Let me ask you this: If you could wave a magic wand and money was no object and you didn't care about what other people thought, who would you be? What would your life look like?
I love this question and I've always found that it helps in answering "who am I" and what you'll discover is that it will help you to truly feel aligned and release any concerns about who you'd prefer to be. This will uncover a real sense of strength, peace, and excitement for "being you.
The one caveat is that it's far more powerful when you're guided by a life coach. The reason is that reading a personal development article on a life coach blog doesn't replace the deep mind work or inner work that's done with a certified life coach.
Quiz about who am I
Take this quiz about who you are
Question 1: What is your favorite childhood memory?
Question 2: If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
Question 3: What activities or hobbies make you lose track of time?
Question 4: What values are most important to you and guide your decision-making?
Question 5: What are your natural talents or skills that come effortlessly to you?
Question 6: If you could choose any career path without worrying about money, what would you pursue?
Question 7: What kind of books, movies, or music resonates with you on a deep emotional level?
Question 8: When do you feel most alive and fulfilled in life?
Question 9: What are your dreams or aspirations for the future?
Question 10: If you could have a conversation with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and why?
Question 11: What kind of impact do you want to make in the world or in the lives of others?
Question 12: If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
Question 13: What challenges have you overcome in your life that have shaped your character?
Question 14: What do you believe is your unique contribution to the world?
Question 15: Who are the people that inspire you and why?
Your best self: Reflect on the best part of the life you once lived
Life has a way of pulling us in different directions, causing us to lose sight of who we truly are or once were in a happier time.
We get caught up in responsibilities, routines, and the demands of everyday life, and forget the need for continual growth.
But deep inside lie the answers with all the forgotten activities, passions, and feelings that once brought us peace and happiness. By reconnecting with the best part of our past, we can uncover the dormant aspects of ourselves and recreate a life filled with purpose and happiness.
I have another quiz for you to take: Let go of the feeling and thought, "I feel lost" and rediscover that version of yourself you prefer to be.
Answer the following questions, allowing yourself to remember the activities and feelings that once lit up your soul. Let the journey of rediscovery begin!
- What activities did you love doing as a child or teenager that made you lose track of time?
- Can you recall a specific moment in your past when you felt truly alive and fulfilled? What were you doing, and what made it so special?
- Are there any hobbies or interests you used to have but have since forgotten or abandoned? What were they, and why did you enjoy them?
- Think back to a time when you felt deeply connected to yourself and others. What were the circumstances or experiences that brought about this profound connection?
- Were there any specific accomplishments or achievements in your past that filled you with a sense of pride and satisfaction? What were they, and why were they meaningful to you?
- Did you have any dreams or aspirations in the past that you let go of? What were they, and is there a way to reignite that spark within you?
Remember, the answers to these questions may unlock a door to rediscovering the best part of yourself so that you can reinvent a new you.
Some people are inspired by self-improvement quotes so I have a few quotes on the topic.
I've Lost Myself Quotes:
Reclaiming Your Authentic Self: Breaking Free from the Expectations of Others
It can feel pretty heavy when we consider the expectations that others have for us. These expectations can make us feel lost, questioning everything about who we are and what we're doing with our life.
We get caught up in pleasing others, conforming to their ideals for our lives, and prioritizing their desires over our own.
People pleasing is such a struggle and we often neglect our own dreams and passions, which can make us lose touch with who we are and the journey of our lives.
I just had a session with a client this morning who discussed how she's been able to release the version of herself as a child and had sudden awakenings and aha moments about who she'd rather be and what her life would be like.
Being authentic is deeply personal but so incredibly powerful.
Take a moment to reflect on this: Who am I? What are my goals, experiences I've always wanted, and the things I truly desire to own?
Life Coaching Exercise:
Grab a pen and paper, and create a list of your aspirations. This simple exercise acts as a roadmap to regain clarity and reclaim your authentic self. It's time to prioritize your own expectations and embark on a journey of self-discovery.
Here we go...
Valuable Prompts for Goal Setting and Action Taking:
- Reflect on your passions: What activities or topics make you feel most alive and energized? What are the things you could spend hours doing without getting tired? Consider how you can incorporate these passions into your life and set goals aligned with them.
- Identify your values: What principles and values are most important to you? What do you want to stand for in your life? Explore how you can align your goals with your core values to create a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
- Explore your dreams and aspirations: What dreams have you had for yourself that you may have set aside? Allow yourself to dream big and visualize what you truly want to achieve or experience in your life. Write down your dreams as concrete goals.
- Assess your strengths and skills: What are your natural talents and skills? What unique strengths do you possess? Consider how you can leverage these strengths to set goals that capitalize on your abilities and bring you a sense of achievement.
- Consider your desired lifestyle: How do you envision your ideal lifestyle? What experiences, relationships, and environments do you want to create for yourself? Use this vision as a guide to set goals that align with the life you want to live.
- Break it down: Once you have identified your goals, break them down into actionable steps. What are the specific actions you can take to move closer to each goal? Create a plan and set deadlines to hold yourself accountable.
- Seek support and accountability: Who can support you on your journey? Share your goals with trusted friends, family, or a mentor who can provide guidance, and encouragement, and hold you accountable. Consider joining communities or seeking professional coaching if needed.
- Embrace growth and adaptability: Recognize that goals may evolve over time as you gain clarity and experience new insights. Be open to adapting your goals as needed, allowing room for growth and new opportunities.
Remember, goal setting is a powerful tool, but it's the action you take that brings about real transformation. Take the prompts provided as starting points, and let them inspire you to set meaningful goals and take consistent steps toward creating the life you truly desire.
As you're reading this, I want you to know that you deserve to experience your defining moment to discover who you'd prefer to be. In the Life Coach Blog, I aim to offer substantial support. It's not a replacement for an actual session but I genuinely hope my articles give you support.
Perhaps you have made choices or mistakes you regret. You might wish you hadn't married that man or taken that stressful job but it doesn't help to dwell on the past.
What you must do now is build a life that's yours, and serves YOUR best interests instead of those who impose their expectations on you.
Nevertheless, it is your right to prioritize your own well-being. This doesn't mean disregarding everyone else, but it does entail freeing yourself from the burden of constant self-sacrifice.
To your success,
Sharon Lee, your online life coach
P.S. I'm inviting you to a free discovery call if you think life coaching will benefit you.
About The Author: Sharon Lee
Career | Wellness | Business | Relationship
It's my life’s purpose to help you identify, clarify and realize your dreams. To help you create new goals and dreams and keep you accountable in the process.
The great thing about Life Coaching is it’s all about collaboration. I show up and meet you right where you are in life providing you with the tools and support. My clients say it's life changing and I'm honored to share in the journey with you.
Come open yourself up to the possibilities.
My dream is to show you how you can have it ALL - a thriving life and business built on your soul-aligned purpose, designed around your LIFE instead of the other way around, leaving you with time and money for everything that matters to you.